If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
