i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
