P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
