Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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