Betty ford says i'm here all night
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
