you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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