Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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