Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
