I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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