Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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