Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It was a blind-side dick pic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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