I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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