You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
