It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
