Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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