I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All I want is dick and wine.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
