im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
