rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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