Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
