After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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