nut hugger
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
