Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
