We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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