If i come over, it means nothing
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
