doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
