She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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