my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
