we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
