I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
