It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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