I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
