We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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