I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
