as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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