okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
