Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
