I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
