Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
