i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i came on her dog
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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