I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
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