my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
