No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
