where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
