i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
