R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
