If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
