Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
