She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
party gras won. party gras always wins.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
