I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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