I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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