so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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