Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
