Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
