um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
