So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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