So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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