At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
